I can rotate a cow in my mind
like rn itās difficult, but when I wanted to visualize an intuitive idea for lagrange multipliers, i could do so (after a lot of time though because figuring out what it was took a while)
i donāt remember what lagrange multipliers are
i should probably start relearning multi at some point
you have some function f, and a constraint function g. you want to find values of x,y,z, etc such that f is maximized/minimized, and g = some constant.
to find it, you set the gradient of f equal to lambda times the gradient of g, where lambda is any constant
then you solve for solutions and test if they work
I just did that I think
ngl when I visualize math stuff, I usually am doing it with my eyes open (because it would be strange to just close my eyes for an extended period of time in publicā¦ or iām driving or something)
but after thinking for a while I kinda space out and donāt get distracted by the stuff in front of me
I used to do day dreams where it was fairly visual but over the years itās hit or miss whether the day dreams work anymore
I think itās a matter of mental / chemical issues with the brain whether you can do it at any time
I say chemical because thatās probably an explanation
itās definitely easier to visualize things with my eyes closed though
oh also I think chess helped my visualization
since thatās very necessary there
I suprise people by knowing how to play chess but not where the pieces go
Iām very bad at chess visualization
what how
how do you calculate tactics
I think a big part of the complete lack of fear of failure thing for me. Also. Is that I have failed my goals Plenty all of the time. On account of the illness, and also on account of the humanity.
I was very very ambitious as a kid. Also obsessed specifically with getting into MIT. Some girl in 3rd grade told me very sincerely once ā[name]'s gonna get into MITā and I was like yeah sure taking that to heart forever .
But it turns out that I could not do nearly as much as I expected to be able to! I genuinely did not have the physical capacity to get straight As in high school despite clearly having, like, the mental capability to do so. And so I had to come to terms very early with the fact that I would not reach some of my goals. And I was a very grumpy 13-year-old about it.
But having done that, every time Iām even slightly starting to get like āoh no if I fail this exam then I get a bad grade in the class and then it brings down my GPA and then I donāt get into grad school or whateverā, I just think back to how I felt the exact same way about, like, being physically unable to do an essay and therefore not getting into MIT, and I go Well you didnāt fucking die because you didnāt get into MIT now did you.
If I fail in the future then I know very well that I am capable of finding a way to deal with that failure. Because Iāve done it before. So it makes it very hard to panic.
I just am
I canāt imagine a board
Despite this Iām a very decent chess player or at least I could be even better if I didnāt solely do bullet and studied
But I canāt envision things
By looking at the board and seeing different variations