Cookie Thread Act 7: Romulus

…atheist fall of rome

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real

need to work on descent of the republic again soonTM

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official tierlist of sanity thresholds required to play particular sporting positions:

Tier Tier Explanation Members
S You have to be so fucking insane to play this position. Normalcy is not allowed. Quarterback (American Football), Goalkeeper (Hockey), Bowler (Cricket), Player (Golf)
A This position strongly resists being normal. Pitcher (Baseball), Catcher (Baseball), Goalkeeper (Association Football), Frontline (Splatoon)
B This position weakly resists being normal. Reciever, Tight End, Running Back (American Football), Most Positions in Association Football, Every Defensive Position Not Previously or Subsequently listed.
C This position is normal. Batter (Cricket), Non-Catcher Batter (Baseball), Kicker and Punter (American Football), Mike Trout Specifically (Baseball).
X This position is so normal that it becomes fucked up and weird again. Forward (Hockey), Striker (Association Football), Every Position In Aussie Rules Football. Chess player.
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striker :fear:

list is not exhaustive

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oh actually new tier

Tier Tier Explanation Members
DARTS! Let’s… PLAY… DARTS! Darts (Darts)
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would divide pitcher based on roles

yeah i agree i just got tired and distracted. relievers are probably more B+ tier compared to Starting Pitchers

yeah but what about the differences between
Long Relief
Bridge
Closer
Stopper
smh theres NUANCE

i’m aware but there’s also a ton of nuance in other positions
i think dual-threat quarterbacks and regular ass throw the ball quarterbacks are different kinds of insane but we’d end up with 15 paralel S tiers if I did that

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yes and

okay fair but i didnt feel like straining my hands by typing that much

i mean hell even that dichotomy of passing-first quarterback and running-first quarterback is obviously nonsense. there’s a hell of a difference between a deep ball qb and one who prefers shorter more consistent gains. gunslingers and those who minimise picks, and so on

i chose to focus on the position as a whole instead of strong niches within the position. Except when I thought it would be funny. Hi Mike Trout.

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i didn’t put two-way in baseball up because it’s a position held by precisely one player in the entire sport but i think given Ohtani’s general vibes it’d probably be X-tier

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do you ever feel like Shohei Ohtani and Ichiro Suzuki swapped personalities by accident

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like i feel of the two most important NPB players in MLB, the relatively unremarkable in terms of personality but very dedicated one should be the absolute machine in terms of banging out infinity singles, and the insane guy with the most incomprehensible philosophy known to mankind should be the one who invents an entirely new position for himself. And Yet.

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now of course it does actually make sense, especially considering that Ichiro apparently really wanted to be a two-way player but managers wouldn’t let him, and it’s best not to make assumptions. but also I feel like the guy who responds to “what’s your dog’s name?” with “I don’t have my dog’s permission to tell you that” should be the revolutionary one instead of the frighteningly efficient one

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@benguinedparbecue holy shit we beat the ravens

an examination of anthony richardson’s college career reveals that he was always like this