CONFIRMED ILLUMINATI SIGHTINGS!!!
Good evening ladies, gentlemen, and nyanbinary folks. This your local journalist Tess Ardent here with another exciting story. Today we will be focusing on 3 new topics that people have been talking about lately. This is the second installment of Tess Ardent’s Breaking News. Please be aware that Tess Ardent’s budget only allows for 3 breaking news reports a cycle. The third installment will come tonight.
Our first topic was requested by a viewer that goes by the name of @GGhana. Recent investigation shows that King Hippopablompoyeetus has requested that GGhana be arrested, taken out back, and killed by a firing squad. The crimes they committed are unknown at the time, however it is safe to say that they were severe enough that GGhana’s house was burned down. King Hippopablompoyeetus also proceeded to have premarital relations with GGhana’s father. The King also ordered that GGhana’s family farm be salted by GGhana’s ashes.
On our second topic, people have been discussing the secret identity of Tess Ardent. They have even stooped so low to compare a measly News Anchor to The King. Rest assure that Tess Ardent is not as hot or famous as King Hippopablompoyeetus is, and that anyone accusing me of being Tess Ardent is just jealous of how successful I am.
Our third and final topic we shall discuss the growing disturbing rumors of a secret third faction called the Illuminati. I have researched more into the Illuminati and have discovered the that the Illuminati faction has infiltrated Town and Mafia. Despite their name, they aren’t as malicious as their name implies. I have been doing my due diligence asking questions to people close to the Illuminati and have discovered that peaceful cooperation between both factions can be achieved (I can’t ask any more questions today.)
As always, if you want me to discuss future topics in my breaking news segments, please ping @Hippopablompoyeetus and he will communicate with me the topics that you suggest. Thank you and have a wonderful day.