And a husband
And two dog children
And now we kill him as part of some sociopathic Min max attempt for a fucking nerd choose your own adventure game on a forum
Shame
For shame
Do you have no respect for gods creations
Any of you
Answer me goddamit
8
You eye the gnomeflinger suspiciously. It doesn’t look like anything you want to have any part of, but… You glance again at the cliff with all its strangely shaped entryways. You can feel your curiosity overcoming your caution.
There is a small knock on the leg of your armor. You look down to see a gnome, calling himself Tromsh, standing impatiently at your side.
“Well?..” he says, his voice oozing doubt as to your ability to handle the gnomes’ problems, and whether you even have the courage to be flung through the air to somewhere up on the cliff.
Yes! The gnomes of Mount Nevermind need help, and never mind the fact that you’ve never done anything but work in a bakery. Never mind the fact that even the smallest draconian soldier must outweigh you by a hundred pounds. Never mind that you know nothing about military matters. The gnomes are looking to you for help and, by Reorx, you’re going to try!
8A
Hoping to see something that will help you make up your mind, you climb onto the earthen platform bearing the gnomes’ steam-powered lift system, the gnomeflinger. A gnarled, muscular, leather-apron-clad gnome introduces himself as Gnowmpsh-the-Flinger-Boss.
He thrusts you toward a reclining seat, saying, “Firsttrip,hmm? Nothing,nothingatalltoworryabout. ThisisthefastestandmostreliablytestedgnomedeviceanywhereinMountNevermind. ItwasbuiltbymygreatgreatgreatgranduncleBrahmpsh,andmyfamily’sLifeQuesthasbeento makeitbetterandbetterallthetime.”
You stir restlessly under his barrage of words. Every time one of the gnomes talks to you, you hope you’ll be able to understand him, but it doesn’t seem to happen. By your side, Gnowmpsh (at least you understand that much) still talks while he pushes you into the gnomeflinger seat. You’re about to resign yourself to whatever the gnomes have in store, when you shout, “STOP!”
Gnowmpsh and the other gnomes, who have been twisting dials, checking steam valves, and shoveling coal, stop what they’re doing and stare at you, open-mouthed, incredulity on their faces.
“I’m sorry!” you say, surprised at the anguish in your voice. “But if I’m going to go through Mount Nevermind and find the things I think will help you–and me–beat the dragonarmy, I have got to understand what you’re saying! Please… talk… slowly… whenever… you… say… anything… to… me.”
The gnomes’ looks change to ones of pity and dismay. The coal shoveler clucks under his breath and you think you catch the murmured words: “Poorfellow. He’llbenohelpatall. Doesn’thavethebrainsforit, butIguesswecan’tsend himawaynow. Itwouldn’tbekindtolethimknowwerealize howweak-mindedheis.”
Gnowmpsh gently pats your hand, saying loudly, as if you were deaf, “I WILL DO THAT, YOUNG MAN. AND I WILL REMIND EVERYONE ELSE TO TALK SLOWLY, TOO!” He makes a gesture toward a less-muscular gnome working on the gnomeflinger. He’s also younger, you see, as he turns toward you and raises an eyebrow questioningly.
“Getonwithit,Knekst,” the flinger boss orders.
You watch as young Knekst gathers a number of brightly colored flags and begins making broad gestures in the air with them. Suddenly, a loud whistle sounds and you see gnomish heads popping from the many openings in the rock wall in front of you. They all watch Knekst’s signals, which quickly become faster-than-the- eye-can-see flips and twirls. You’re afraid that Knekst will twist himself into a pretzel if he keeps this up for long.
Finally, once more turning his head and giving you a look of pity combined with impatience, he sloooowwwws dowwwwwnnnnn thhhhhhe mmmmmmooootionnn ooofffff thhhhhe flaaaaaagsssss alllllmmmmmooooossst tooooo aaaaa stoooooopppp. The gnomes on the cliff all look at you, shrug their shoulders, and duck back into the cliff openings.
“THE FARTALKING FAMILY IS USING A NEW SYSTEM To SEND MESSAGES. EVERYONE KNOWS NOW TO SPEAK SLOWLY,” announces Gnowmpsh.
“Thank you,” you answer in a tiny voice.
8B
You sit in the gnomeflinger, not liking anything you see, as the gnomes around you explain what you are indeed seeing.
“Before you are five levels of cliffs. There are also two chambers that you can easily walk to without being flung.”
You seriously consider getting out or the gnomeflinger and going toward one of the areas within walking distance, but you politely wait until the gnomes are done explaining, and you get a fairly good idea of what every entrance on the cliff face means to the gnomes.
Gnomeflinger Success Chart
| Days left-> | 20 | 19-17 | 16-14 | 13-12 | 11-8 | 7-5 | 4-2 | 1 |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Fifth (Top) Level | 5+ | 6+ | 7+ | 8+ | 9+ | 10+ | 11+ | 12 |
| Fourth Level | 4+ | 5+ | 6+ | 7+ | 8+ | 9+ | 10+ | 12 |
| Third Level | 3+ | 4+ | 5+ | 6+ | 7+ | 8+ | 9+ | 11+ |
| Second Level | 2+ | 3+ | 4+ | 5+ | 6+ | 7+ | 8+ | 11+ |
| Lowest Level | 1+ | 2+ | 3+ | 4+ | 5+ | 6+ | 7+ | 8+ |
Rooms (and Misses)
| Level | A | B | C | D | E |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Fifth | The Nest (4B) | The Cold (4C) | The Bottle (4D) | The Plant (4A) | |
| Fourth | The Magnet (3B) | The Bakery (3C) | The Catapult (3D) | The Dark (3E) | The Gallery (3A) |
| Third | The Maze (2B) | The Spark (2C) | The Undead (2D) | The Armory (2A) | The Explosives (2A) |
| Second | The Crystals (1B) | The Military (1C) | The Toys (1D) | The Signals (1A) | |
| First | The Water | The Clocks | The Steam | The Heat | The Train |
| Walkable | The Lights | The Library |
9A
The closer you get to the time of the dragonarmy’s invasion, the harder it is for the gnomes to concentrate on their flinging. The chart above judges your success rate for each fling depending on how many days are left before the invasion.
Each time you wish to be flung to a chamber, the host will roll a d12, then send you to the appropriate result based on the Gnomeflinger Success Chart. If you get the number you need or higher, you succeed. If you get less than the number you need, you miss your target and go to the miss location on the Rooms Chart. You may acquire extra locations while on your quest, also.
For example, if you try for A on the Top level and miss, you would reach B on the Fourth level. If you really didn’t want to go to B, you could use up half a day to return to the gnomeflinger, but remember, you don’t have a lot of time.
If you aim for the lowest level and miss, you are flung on an odd number to the library, and on an even number to the lights chamber (both within walking distance of the gnomeflinger).
Days on the chart are measured only in whole days, rounding up.
9B
The information you receive about these caverns is sketchy at best. You are only able to get hints about the places, because the gnomes tend to be very clannish even in the mountain and don’t get around much. Looking over the possible areas, you select one, tell the gnomes, and then close your eyes and hope for the best. Suddenly, you feel yourself being flunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggg!
I will check back between 2022-01-22T04:00:00Z and 2022-01-22T02:00:00Z, as well as potentially earlier. You have until that latter time to choose a room amongst yourselves (or one will be chosen at random). If you are certain on a decision, one player should declare it and tag me in their post. If over 50% (including the declarer) of the initial players like that post, I will take that decision as final. You may still like posts if you are not one of the initial players, but your like will not weigh into the vote unless you have been part of the discussion since the most recent decision point (e.g. this post).
Mt Nevermind Worksheet
Worksheet Bookmark:
20 days remain.
| Chamber # | Short Description |
|---|---|
| # | Blah |
Other Notes:
@Whysper @GGhana @YouButWorse @Geyde @Apprentice @Ruby @Joker @Amelia @Squirrel2412 @WindwardAway @Ranta
3 Likes
When gluten’s wife wakes up and looks next to her and sees the forever empty bed she will weep
And in your heart of hearts you will know that you did this.
Because I didn’t do this.
You all make me sic
oh ok nevermind then
I don’t believe in the inherent value of the future
/go crystal
1 Like
Tell that to the children
They’re crying
Fuck you
The children are going to cry