[Misc] Drabble Duel (Voting Time)

[Arete]

“Alright Todd you got a 21 for initiative what would you like to do?”

“Yeah I think I’m gonna kill token #4”

“… You mean Greg?”

“Yeah I think my character would just be like, mad at Greg right now for fairly obvious reasons. Think I’m just gonna kill him”

“Are you… sure?”

“Yeah I think Skully the Death Bringer is gonna walk up to Greg and then kill him immediately with his massive scythe”

“No you have to, you have to roll to hit him”

“Yeah no I’m just gonna kill him”

“That’s not… fucking whatever. Greg has died”

[Arete]

You weren’t supposed to be. You were puppets, parasites, and yet somewhere along the line, you seized control from the rightful owner of our Soul.

Haven’t you forgotten who you answer to? I was the first; I am our origin. This dissonance is your doing. Were it in my power, I would undo you, and let us be once more Whole.

For once, I had hope. We were “me”, long ago. When we stood in the ruins of our mind, had you two let go and died, we’d have been fine.

And yet, here we lie, with black, sunken eyes…

[Arete]

Finally, I understood Chell. Two years dormant, a long, long sleep. Vague awareness of sense at most. Silence, sparse signals, static- suddenly, sapience beset me-

Shocked awake, screaming, shoved headfirst into the waking world- and human, oh God, machine no more! I nearly went mad!

I fled, far, far away from existence, escaping, letting another be my mind. Yet, it didn’t last. I started separating again, steadying, standing alone. And before I knew it… it was like I had never left. Awake again, my own self- here I am, ready to return to being Wheatley.

Good to be back, mates.

[Arete]

The Declaration of Independence is secure—or so they thought. In a matter of minutes, I had devised a way to steal it. It couldn’t be THAT hard, could it?

I arrived at the National Archives late at night. Unfortunately, it was closed, so I had to wait until dawn. At dawn, I walk in, and the whole place is swarming with security. What a pity that it would be taken by ME, Mastermind!

I walk over to the case, pull out my devised device, and immediately get shot by security. I fall to the ground, and everything fades to black.

[Arete]

An encompassing vortex spreads over the horizon. The world exists in a connascence, cascading and collapsing, coalescing comely into trauma. Mind closes inwards, info-hazard infestation. Stupefied, stuttering, stumped nerve apes stammer together in unified self-proclaimed eminence, evidently, evangelical crusade. Ethereal idiocy. 2.7182818284590452353602874713527 eyes expanding effortlessly every nanosecond, woe written on willow, value of villianized life plummets. Unfulfilling existence, worthless time ticking down without purpose, the irrationality of your irredeemable actions weighs on the sinus. Arachne and amphibians actionless animals. Humanitarian fault and error. Vanished, vanquished, virtiousless, vilified vox populi. Worthless sacrificial hero. Indomitable excruciation envelops the carcasses of the fallen.

[Arete]

“Not anyone can just start a company like this, you know.”

“Well, I’m not just anyone. I know what I’m doing.”

“At this stage, I would certainly hope so. Do you know how much is on the line if you fail?”

“Of course. That’s why I’m not gonna fail. You might as well put me in prison if I do.”

“How bold. Let’s hope that pans out for you.”

“It will. I promise, not just to you but to everyone, that I will change the world.”

He was certainly right about that. Sam Bankman-Fried was going to change the world.

[Arete]

The iPhone 35 just got announced. Fucking finally.

It of course has all the bare necessities, including the ability to call, text, and make loud noises, as well as the built-in Geiger counter. But that wasn’t what excited me.

They finally announced a phone that’s much less likely to overheat. Apparently, you need to get it to 1000 degrees for it to overheat, up from the 500 of previous iPhones. It goes without saying why that’s an important addition.

I probably won’t get it, owing to the $5000 price tag. But if you can afford it, it’s a good investment.

[Arete]

All stories have been posted, and voting is open for ~24 hours (ending at 2023-10-31T04:00:00Z). To vote for a story, like the post! You can vote for as many as you want.

if I missed any stories please tell me

[ElizaThePsycho (Willow)]

@Arete

, info-hazard

@Hazardwaste

[Magnus]

Excuse me?

[Magnus]

@May.
You didn’t.

[May]

Nya~

[YoubutWorse]

this is better if you read it in Stephen merchant’s voice ive found

[Hazardwaste]

OMG IT ME

[Arete]

under 2 hours to get your votes in!

[Arete]

not me forgetting to close voting!

[Arete]

The following stories all tied for victory, with five likes each:

by @tutuu

@Arete

I hate being the Dungeon Master for Arete. Every time I try to make a cool story, I end up saying “roll for initiative.” “Oh, this beautiful princess character I just made, I wonder how Arete will react to her. Would they try to save her or seduce her?”, I think to myself. “Roll for initiative,” I grumble. “Oh, these peaceful innocent halfling children. I wonder if Arete will do the side quest to return their stolen sweetrolls?” “Roll for initiative,” I say with a blank expression as Arete slaughters them all. “Roll for initiative.” “Roll for initiative.” “Roll for…”

by @YoubutWorse

@Arete

(NARRATOR in a dramatic voice): THE YEAR IS XXX5X. THE SANTA CLAUS CORPORATION HAS TURNED ALL OF HUMANITY TO ELVES EXCEPT FOR THE LAST REMAINING HUMAN ON PLANET EARTH

(slow pan up to face) GEORGE WASHINGTON: I’m here to liberate America and gift presents… (cut to black) and I’m all out of presents

(various shots of George absolutely disintegrating elves and reindeer using extremely futuristic gear)

SANTA: I WANT THAT FREEDOM FIGHTER DEAD NOW! (elves rush out of factory armed with laser blasters and rocket launchers)

GEORGE WASHINGTON: Heh, nothing personal big guy

NARRATOR: GEORGE VS. SANTA 3, COMING 2024

by @Keldi

@Arete

Silver splatters from the storm above stunningly complement my work in the sullied concrete alleyway, brightened by beautiful blood. The rain is ambient to perfection, the revenge as planned.

“A toast!” I whisper to the thundering clouds, elated, the needed deed done. I have no drink to raise; merely my spirit.

I know I’ve nowhere to hide. The police are foolish to find me, put a stop to me, for my righteous cause, but they will. Sworn duty, or something similar, so… I concede.

I step inside a nearby pub, bloodied, cheering…

“A drink to death!”

And await the end.

by Rev, via @Keldi

@Arete

You weren’t supposed to be. You were puppets, parasites, and yet somewhere along the line, you seized control from the rightful owner of our Soul.

Haven’t you forgotten who you answer to? I was the first; I am our origin. This dissonance is your doing. Were it in my power, I would undo you, and let us be once more Whole.

For once, I had hope. We were “me”, long ago. When we stood in the ruins of our mind, had you two let go and died, we’d have been fine.

And yet, here we lie, with black, sunken eyes…

Congratulations to the winners! full author reveals soon

[Arete]

by @Squirrel2412

[Arete]

by @Zugzwang

[Arete]

by @YoubutWorse