Realising that I am very autistic
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When I do something to wrong somebody my response is âthat was incorrect to do and J will not do it in the futureâ. People see this and go what the fuck you didnât apologise. However this is literally all I want from an apology ever
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If someone says âIâm really sorry and I feel bad for hurting youâ I go ok but what am I going to do with that. I donât want them to feel bad I want them to stop. Them placing focus on feeling bad in fact makes me feel weird and, like, mildly guilty!
I read a ânormal apologyâ as, like, their motivation to want to stop not being that it is causing me harm, but that me being sad about their behaviour makes them feel bad, and they want their bad feeling to stop.
Like. If I hadnât said anything, theyâd still be causing me harm, but they wouldnât feel bad. Would they find that outcome - me shutting the fuck up - just as preferable, if not more so, as an actual solution? I always interpret the implication of a normalpeople apology as such.
So I feel weird saying âsorry, I feel bad about doing thisâ! But if I donât say that, people will say I never apologised, even though I literally said my behaviour was incorrect and I would stop. What more do you want!!! Understanding is better than emotion, no???
I am extremely autistic.
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this isnât an apology! youâre foisting all the responsibility onto poor J
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I think itâs cause autism hyperempathy makes you feel Really intensely bad whenever you see any kind of even mild suffering. Right. And that means even reasonable stuff that you have no control over, like, I dunno, watching someone shovel a bunch of snow in their driveway or have to pick up a mess on the ground makes you feel very bad. And it is not viable to help every single one of these people with every single mildly unpleasant task they must endure. I definitely help random people out with stuff more than average on account of feeling more bad for them but eventually you have to train yourself into knowing that not every feeling of guilt or empathy is actionable.
And so when people express their guilt to me instead of me like assuming itâs warranted itâs like. Damn Iâm sorry I made you feel like that by suffering in public
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At somepoint when you feel really unproductively bad for everyone experiencinng even a mildly unpleasant emotion your reaction starts to trend toward âplease suffer out of my sightâ
Fuck J they deserve it
Fuck J she deserves it
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ayo
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I almost didnât hit send on that joke. Almost. Itâs really funny though
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im making a desktop pet right now. May do you want to be my desktop pet
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i have not chosen a pet it can be met lemres
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Yes
I feel like saying u will stop is def an apology? Idk what other people mean if i said âhey stop doing thisâ and someone else was like âokâ thats like heaven bc if they say âoh im sorryâ then i feel bad bc they feel bad and then i wish i hadnt said anything bc i feel bad now
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This is exactly how I feel but Iâm told that other people do not think like this
on it 
im getting distracted by other thigns
i should be able to like. kind of do it shoddily in not much effort
im using new weird graphics library and I Suck At Graphics Library so im just. looking around. And making desktop pets
People are weird and dumg im the only normal one
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i think that it depends on the person and context. i dont think you can accurately put this in two boxes for all cases
in some cases a person might feel the need to elaborate they feel bad to make sure their feeling of empathy is properly communicated. it might be not otherwise communicated, ie the other person might suspect the other person literally hates them. so by communicating that you feel bad thatâs one way to do it
its also not wrong that it can be overused and not just this but in general a person can be a bit selfish and overly focused on themselves, ie they can make it about themselves rather than the person theyâre supposedly apologizing to. they might not even suspect that theyâre being selfish, which i think makes sense, because once a person realizes they might be, they usually stop doing it. if they are doing it they usually arenât realizing it imo
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Yeah itâs definitely more complicated than that, Iâm overgeneralising but like broadly I feel really really weird saying âsorryâ in lots of contexts where Iâve later been told it was explicitly expected
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