Oh gosh
Oh gosh
<3
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Hi
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Tutu what happened to you!
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Tutuu?
It was I, WOlf!
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The ultimate betrayal.
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Isnāt this awfully resemblant of another group we both know of?
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dont stop eclipse posting it was so cool
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WWOOOOOOWWWWWW :0 we only got 75% covered in AL ;m;
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most kindest org message encounter
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omg-
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Thatās so funny that they have so little friends they need to make it seem like itās an honour to be allowed into their garbage group
Winton Overwaaaah >>>>>> their shitty org
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Wtf??? Is that you they were a jerk to?
Iāll throw some hands
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cw
You have a good heart. And youāre right, itās not your fault. Itās not being fair to think you could help this person better than trained professionals could and the trained professionals failed. I say this as someone who would almost definitely feel the same way you are now, and as someone who has tried to help people in pain before. We have to accept that thereās a limit to what we can do and what was reasonable for us to do, ya know?
Jenna and I had a close friend who developed an eating disorder while we were friends with her. She came to visit us for 5 days, and had, like, 300 calories or something. We had no idea it was that bad, and at every opportunity we made it clear that she could eat whatever we wanted and tried to gently encourage it. Ultimately we got her to eat some soup broth and a granola bar, and that was it. So fast forward a few weeks and sheās still not really eating. Itās still hundreds of calories per week. And this whole time Iām begging her to please go see a counselor about it at her university. She finally does and talks about beginning to refeed (like gradually increasing calorie intake which is necessary to not get sick at this point), and Iām just so, so relieved.
And then like two weeks later she tells us that she stopped, and just isnāt eating again. Iām just kinda crushed by this. I feel impotent and completely helpless as sheās sending message after message telling us, telling me that itās nothing we did, itās not my fault, and this is something she feels like she had to do. This is the same girl that talked about killing herself repeatedly, and talking to her has the same feeling where she just argues with me on everything and concedes nothing and insists that this stupid fucking thing sheās doing is the best thing. I apologized but told her I wasnāt going to watch her kill herself, and left the server we all shared after talking with Jenna about it because I was distraught. Even after I left I just laid down in bed and cried for a few hours.
Jenna then stepped in and started being the one that was more proactive about checking in with her because I wasnāt there. Just like before, nothing she said stopped this girl from continuing to starve herself. It was like weeks more until she decided that she didnāt want to die this way. When she went to see a doctor, the doctor told her that they recommended she go to the hospital for refeeding because of how close she was to death and that her situation was so precarious that she should remain hospitalized for a long enough stretch of time that sheād need to drop out for the semester. This girl is a college student only in school because she has a full ride, and cannot afford a prolonged hospital stay (thanks US healthcare system, very fucking cool) and doesnāt want to drop out, so she proceeds to undertake the high risk refeeding process herself. This was months ago, and sheās still alive. As far as I know sheās doing better now, but I havenāt talked to her again (Jenna has).
If she had died, I think I would have gone through the same arc you did and beat myself up for leaving and cried, but fuck I donāt know what else I could have done. I canāt force feed her, she didnāt eat when we were in person encouraging her to and paying for everything, she didnāt eat when a doctor told her to, and she didnāt eat despite knowing it was killing her. Really there was just nothing I could have done beyond what I did which was get her to see a professional and that wasnāt enough. I guess Iām saying all this to get across that even if you had done something it may not have mattered. We always like to think that if only we were there, it wouldāve been different, but neither of us are superheros. We cannot possibly bear the weight of every tragedy weāre adjacent to because itās just too much. That constantly being the one who takes in someone elseās pain, and tells them to survive anyway eats away at you piece by piece until they you once again say that the pain is too much and you donāt know if you can carry any more of it for them. Some days I have my own pain to worry about, ya know?
Iām rambling and Iāve been rambling, but yeah. I feel this and itās not your fault. Itās not your fault if you try and fail, and itās not your fault if you donāt try at all because youāre just a guy. Do your best, but if youāre not actively making things worse, itās not on you. We canāt save everyone and weāll destroy ourselves if we try.
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Meow
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AAAAAAHHHHHHH A KITTY!! I LOVE KITTIES!! <3
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