Cookie Thread Act 7: Romulus

that would be so fucking funny
the fact the mariners are like. a gang of potentially good but stupidly inconsistent offensive players and a row of the most insane pitchers in the league is very fun

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tho would be great if we had bats that worked before like late august-september

then we wouldnā€™t need to be perfect

shit would be nice

look i just like his name
Bryan Woo

legendary ass name

my personal favorite to watch is george kirby because i feel his philosophy of absolutely despising walks is the funniest shit

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walks are base runners
base runners are bad
donā€™t walk

simple as

iā€™ve watched a lot of george kirby games, he legitimately looks less mad after home runs than he does after walks

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donā€™t bats live year round
its hard to understand how they didnt go extinct without hibernation otherwise

you arenā€™t as funny as you think you are

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oh i am plenty

the mariners pitching staff is one of the best in the league and the only reason itā€™s not outright the best is that everyone on it has to work overtime to counteract the fact the offense sucks most of the time

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alright time to go on baseball reference with my stat head membership (PROMOCODE FOOLISH20 WAS USED IN THE PROCESS OF BUYING THE MEMBERSHIP) and compare mariner batter figures from april-june and august-september

see: the final game of the Astros v. Mariners ALDS, the last playoff game the Mariners played. that game is close to my heart. it Fucking Sucked

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six straight hours of the most frustrating baseball imaginable. beautiful

thatā€™s how i spent my summer

being ~independently wealthy~ is great

letā€™s fucking go Mariners. you can do this. win beautifully or lose beautifully, weā€™ll love you either way. so keep going to the last and win this fucking season

>wake up at noon
>watch Ms while eating cereal
>be angry when they lose/happy when they win
>drink to relieve anger/in elation
>repeat from may-august

Boyfriend knew multiple people who both went to that game and liveblogged it on discord to him

also listen to me Mariners. listen. if you somehow win the world series this year, everyone will be so fucking mad. itā€™ll be hillarious

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tell ur bf to show up to the games today/tmrw and root for the Ms

the great satan of the AL West must be defeated

i think i might die from alcohol poisoning if that happens