I used to have a tradition where every time I failed to sleep on a night I’d get a blank Google Doc, give viewing permissions to all my friends, and we’d watch as I wrote an essay on something completely fucking insane on no sleep
One of said friends ran the article submissions for a Warrior Cats site. So usually I’d take a rejected article premise and turn it into a real, rule-abiding article that I could then submit to the site and make her publish. I think I did one on how “Warrior Cats is like communism”
Well it was an analysis of whether Warrior Cats is like communism. And the answer was “Warrior Cats is a little like communism”
i like to say things. but essays make you say things about a certain thing. in a certain way. i hate those constraints and yet how otherwise freeform it is. and yet somehow i am (supposedly) good at writing essays
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I had one I did collaboratively with a friend that was a newspaper debate column where we argued over what kind of potato chips were better
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things
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may gotta say riichi mahjong is a fucking banger
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felt
IT IS
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i had a “writing enhanced” class last semester that was just. writing (fairly short) essays about people making weird claims that go beyond science. some of those topics bored me to no end. just writing an essay on a topic i’m not interested in is. fucking impossible for me to motivate myself to do. but i somehow never got worse than an a- for an essay in that class
I think we had to make heavy edits to get the article to be allowed on site because we kept accusing each other of being cucked by chips
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saying things about dead philosophers is okay but saying things about dead historical figures is awesome
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not even the final essay. which was longer, i wrote over the span of like two days (if that), while also having several other obligations and being in the middle of finals week. i even gave up my usual standards and wrote what i thought would be at best a B caliber essay. STILL gave me an A. i keep getting away with it
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Last English class I took I never started an essay more than like 4 hours before it was due
love to receive academic credit for “here’s why Machiavelli is my blorbo but not in a Weird way the way most Machiavelli stans mean” or “did you know: people in the past were racist?” or “I spent a few hours looking at pictures in the library and here’s what I learned”
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My only complaint is that White Dragon Yaku is so boring like bro really ended the game to get a solid 1000 points
((these are all real essays/papers that I really wrote but I am badly strawmanning them for comedic value)
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i have not taken an english class since high school. i got away with taking ap lang during 2020 so the test was just a single essay, getting a 4, and that being enough to get out of the required english class