which is fine, you don’t need to distinguish between those things unless you want to
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b
i like it when you suffer
i dont dislike you but i just like it
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I also like it when May suffers. Asterisk
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apart from biting your fingers, hands and arms, are there any other physical activities that you like doing that cause you mild tolerable pain?
Sitting down, walking, using the computer, lying on my side, lying on my back, lying on my stomach, moving, not moving,
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Not using the computer, eating, not eating. I would say “running” but I don’t like that.
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Oh okay next time you misbehave I’ll just tell you “You do you” and that will be enough
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You know I used to have a habit of dipping my fingers in hot candle wax right
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Part of the reason I do not find pain undesirable is because all enjoyable things bring with them pain
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(that’s either your inner masochist projecting its inner masochism worldview and/or your experience of all physical activities or lack of bringing you pain. most people who dont have medical conditions and arent masochistic wouldn’t think that all enjoyable things bring with them pain, i think)
And part of the reason I am unbothered by acute physical pain is because it distracts from the constant background radiation of it that permeates all things
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I’m saying “all enjoyable things bring with them pain [for me, because of my medical condition]”
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do you think that you are mentally masochistic as well due to adaptation to your medical condition, or was that a coincidence and it would have been your personality even if you were born without the condition?
I dunno. What if the world was made of pudding
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Probably would still be if I still had ADHD because I find physical pain less unpleasurable than boredom
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I generally don’t have a conception of the me who is not disabled because it’s waaaay too many chnages in fundamental life expeirenfe to understand. My earliest memories of chronic pain are from when I was 4 years old. I’d be a completely different person
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The fact that I was unable to participate in normal child activities like sports and clubs and such is why I talk to people online. My primary social life has been online since I was a kid. I’d be so so fundamentally different. It’s like asking “what if your family had moved across the world when you were little, what would you be like then”. IDK. Too many variables
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My values and personalty traits and interests come from friendships I probaby wouldn’t have had if I weren’t. I was gonna say “I bet I wouldn’t be as obsessed with novelty” but I probably would it’d just be in different ways. I bet I’d like eat spicy food less
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